'I'm Not Promiscuous'

Scarlett Johansson claims "I'm not promiscuous" -- according to a CNN.com post (8:46 a.m. EDT, October 10, 2006).

The report claims Ms. Johansson said,

There does seem to be a mistaken belief out there that I am sexually available somehow -- which is not to say that I'm not open-minded about sex...but I wouldn't say I'm a serial monogamist, either.... I work really hard when I'm in a relationship to make it work in a monogamous way.

This would be funny if it wasn't such a classic example of fallacious logic that falls under the category of "distinction without a difference" or "fallacy of fake precision." I could be wrong here -- but I don't think you can marginalize monogamy? (Ooops, sorry. This is America.)

The capstone sound byte, however, was saved for last. The "not promiscuous" star says:

I get tested for HIV twice a year. ... One has to be socially aware... It's part of being a decent human, to be tested for STDs. It's just disgusting behavior when people don't. It's so irresponsible.

Aside from the obvious contradiction, notice the great leap of logic here. It might be socially responsible to contract HIV and spread it around, but it's irresponsible not to get tested.

This is an example of why our educational system needs to teach logic along with basic reading, writing and arithmetic to every kid in school. I mean, what good does it do if you can read, write, and calculate a statistic if your social intercourse is so fallacious?

Suddenly, the inside of a whale's belly smells refreshing.

The Gravity of Loving the Law

For years I could never understand why King David loved God's law. It was a conundrum, a paradox, possibly a contradiction. How could anyone love that which restricted freedom? And laws certainly did that. But David insists:

From the 119th Psalm:

"Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day (96-98), I hate the double-minded, But I love Your law (112-114); I hate and abhor lying, But I love Your Law (162-164); Great peace have those who love Your law, And nothing causes them to stumble (164-166).

My middle name is David so I take note of this power hungry, courageous, arrogant, sex-starved-adulterous man that God loved -- not that I'm any of those, mind you -- but I take note just in case.

What don't I get? Our courts and jails are full of people, many of them like me, I suspect, who are battling the law, or have lost their temporal battle with it. What is there to love about the law, unless you're an attorney chasing ambulances during the day and later stealthing off to the bank's night deposit.

But then, I later reasoned, I loved science. Why, I've got a B.A. in Physics -- although the grades weren't that good. (Yes, that's a B.A. not a B.S.. I'm told four semesters of German, which I never learned, was the difference.)

What I loved about physics and science was that things were predictable. If you stepped out of a 3rd story window, you fell -- perhaps to your death. But it was predicable. You could count on it. You could plan your life around things like gravity. When you got up in the morning, you didn't have to worry about what the gravitational constant would be during the day. As your alarm radio clicks on you're not going to hear:

Okay, folks, well tomorrow it's going to be sunny with a spot of rain in the morning. For our sailors out there, the wind will be coming from the Southeast at 10-20 knots with a moderate chop on the lake. And, oh, by the way, don't forget to take your gravity boots, and charge up those gravity tires. During rush hour, the gravity index will be down to 0.7...promises to be a messy drive home. Try your best to stay in your lane. Be safe out there.

Sure, if you're not careful, you can fall on the playground (they really should outlaw jungle gyms), but GRAVITY IS GREAT. Sounds like a good bumper sticker. Or how about, "GRAVITY KEEPS YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND."

Maybe that's what David was talking about. Maybe he loved gravity.

Want a copy of the Gravity poster? Here's a link to it's creator's, Gerry Mooney's website. Gerry Mooney's Gravity Poster